Chimping out.

Chimping out.

My friend Rowan introduced me to this expression.

Scientists and engineers reach a point, usually in their late 20's where they fail to learn anything more above a certain complexity. The expression comes from chimpanzees, apparently they can learn up to a certain point and then they hit a wall and can't learn anymore. Scientists and engineers that aspire to greatness but will never reach it have chimped out.

To me, chimping out is not about not being able to learn anything new, it's about not being able learn anything new above a certain complexity. Try as I may, whenever I hit something that is more complex than my ability to understand complexity, I simply can't get past it. It's a very frustrating feeling. I'd like to understand this, I'd like to be able to move forward past this but I simply cannot. It's past my chimped out point.

I hit it in mathematics all the time. I chimp out when it gets above simple algebra, geometry and trigonometry. I can handle all of those in simple forms but when it starts to get complex, I chimp out. Sometimes I can put in an extra effort and make a little progress but the end result of that is always more complexity that I can't get beyond.

Everyone has some kind of hobby. Something they like to do that brings them pleasure. Some people do crossword puzzles. I write software. I enjoy it, it passes the time and gives me a sense of pleasure while I am doing it. A strange hobby, I know, but it's not really that much different than doing crossword puzzles. The trouble is it constantly reminds me of my chimp out point. Sometimes I finish writing a program. Other times I abandon it for simple lack of interest. Sometimes, like right now, I feel like I don't have any choice but to give it up and move on to something else because I've chimped out. Finishing a difficult crossword puzzle must give the author a great sense of accomplishment. Not being able to finish one brings frustration. Or am I missing the point?

Is the point of a hobby the process or the end result? Is the point to finish or to just pass the time away doing it? I seem to want both. Those happy people I see walking around, the ones that confound me, do they just toss their unfinished puzzle aside and move on to the next one? Is that why they are happy? Do they not care? Do they not base their self worth on being able to finish that puzzle?

Judging by the amount of free software on the internet, I'm not the only one who likes to write code just for the fun of it. People write code and post it on the web for all to see. There's a lot of effort in all that code. Some of it's pretty impressive. Some of it's horrendous. When I chimp out, I can go find some other piece of code that tried to do the same thing. Maybe I can learn from how they did it. Or maybe I just won't feel so bad about myself when I discover they couldn't do it either. I wonder if they knew it was wrong and didn't even know it was wrong. So now maybe I'll feel just a little better about myself at the expense of some poor sap who posted his code for all the world to see on the web. His chimp out point is lower than mine. He did this all wrong. Of course, I feel worse about myself for feeling better about myself for such childish reasons. But is it a net gain?

So I digress. And will continue to do so. Chimping out. Trigonometry. I get the basic functions and the unit circle and all that but when they get combined in strange complex formulas I get lost. I had a better understanding of this when I was in my early 20s. I suppose I could go take an online trigonometry class I relearn it all. But that would be a stranger hobby than the one I already have. 'What do you do for fun?' I take online math classes so I can write more complex programs.

Maybe I should collect stamps. I wonder if I'd chimp out while collecting stamps.